The Awkward Life of the Awkward Miss Swan
by A Fine Frenzy
Summary: Hope. Horrible, nasty and ghastly emotion. Well that was my opinion of it anyway. Most people, on the other hand, would describe it as uplifting, inspiring and a heartening emotion. All human story, only a two-shot
1. Chapter 1

**I officially suck. I know I haven't updated… don't kill me. It's just that sometimes I feel like disappearing for a while and the past few weeks have made me wish for escape, I'd tell you more but you don't need to hear the agonisingly boring details of my very, very unhappy life.**

**I promise I will update soon, as soon as I get through the obstacle course my life has become. I suppose I shouldn't make promises I can't keep**, **but I started my own fan fiction account when I know I can't commit to much didn't I? Anyways this is just a one shot, in which I'm hoping no one dies. **

**I'll just explain this story to you now, my friend sent me this thing which resulted in this thing, it's not funny at all (and I don't edit) and so feel free to tell me how fail the humour in this was.**

**I do not own Twilight, and I never will (don't have enough money to buy the rights xD). Hope you enjoy and please (even though I don't deserve it) review.**

Hope. Horrible, nasty and ghastly emotion. Well that was my opinion of it anyway. Most people, on the other hand, would describe it as uplifting, inspiring and a heartening emotion.

I shook my head, trying to dispel any thoughts of him. He who had left. The very man who had held my heart in his hands. And then thrown it away as if it was a piece of junk.

I watched Mr Banner with a morbid fascination, as he walked across the room, in that weird trot of his. I remembered the teasing words. His description of Mr Banner's post-surgery walk.

I growled internally. This was pathetic. He was just a guy. Heaven help me if I couldn't get past a day without thinking about him. It couldn't be difficult; I was a strong, independent woman NOT a pathetic, dependent whining little girl.

Oh, who was I kidding? I most definitely deserved the pathetic, whining girl title because that was what I was. I had a screwed up brain. From the way I was acting, could you really tell from the moment I met him I had hated the guy I was now drooling over?

What made this moment even odder was that at this very moment I was listening to a song called I Think About You Every Day by Rocket To The Moon. Weird much? I tried to resist the pull to become a sappy doe-eyed high school girl mooning over her first crush but frankly put, I owned that image.

It didn't help that I was an art student, with big brown eyes, and in addition to all that I was wearing a plaid skirt. Then it hit me… I was walking cliché. This was getting out of hand.

_It's just a phase. It's just the hormones. He's out of your league. _I repeated this mantra repeatedly in the hopes of reining in my wildly out-of-control emotions and thoughts. The chant grew louder and louder with each repetition. I think my ear drums were going to burst.

I was going crazy. Every time I closed my eyes (the screaming was giving me a headache) I saw the same things. The hair, the eyes, the smile. Constantly. I was going insane. That or I was in a movie.

But in the movies, they called in love… I couldn't be in love. I could almost see it, me in a wonderful dress (as cliché as possible) picked out by my best friend, Alice, and then my name would be called up… as the winner of the Most Clichéd Unrequited Love Story of the Year.

My future was mapped out for me. I would have book, resulting in a book tour, And then I'd be on Oprah. I would be labelled something horrid by females campaigning for equal rights but the girls in high school who were bullied and also happened to be obsessively in love with the school jock would find hope in my story, and blah blah blah, you know the rest.

I sighed and cupped my face in my hands… All I needed was the sun in my face and a little wind to blow my hair in my face.

I didn't have the looks for the man I was pining after to even have the merest hint of attraction to me, but of course, there was a cliché to help with that as well.

I know that you know what I'm talking about. The makeover, it was a classic. I would transform from ugly duckling to swan thanks to my two bestest friends. And guess what? My last name was SWAN. And my first name was… Bella! Isabella in truth, but everyone called me Bella. So that means, translated, my name means… Beautiful Swan!

But back to the situation at hand. I was sitting in Biology, yearning for this guy that I've just happened to befriend because I'm an obsessive stalker who wants to know everything about the aforementioned guy and he's not at school today and I'm getting kinda antsy.

And every time the door opens this flare of hope rises up inside of me. And then it dies back down again when I realise it's not him (this is why I think hope is such a crappy emotion) and I'm getting REALLY irritated by it. And I real- OH MY GOD THE DOOR'S OPENING… and it's not him… Well, damn. I really thought it would be him this time.

Moving on, I really need a new obsession. Maybe Taylor Lautner. I personally don't like him, but I guess if I'm a cliché, I should work the image and become a crazy fan girl **(no offense meant to real life fan girls ****) **to really be able to play the classic high school girl.

As I sat there, musing in my ridiculous thoughts the door opened once more. I was too distracted to notice. That was, until he plonked himself down right next me. The smell hit me with a force akin to the force of a truck.

_Oh god, oh god. Remain calm Bella. No reaction, don't let the emotions show on your face. Oh Jesus, he's turning here. Oh, holy mother of Mary he's talking to me. _

All rational thoughts flew straight out the window when he started talking. His voice was like velvet, his green eyes like emeralds as they pierced into my dull, brown ones. I tried to focus on the words that came out his mouth with no avail.

I realised when he stopped talking though, my body ached to be blessed with the sound of his voice again. I opened my mouth to respond

"Well, umm…" I stuttered.

His eyes looked expectantly into mine. I faltered. Thankfully, Mr Banner decided to interrupt.

"Mr Cullen and Miss Swan we are in class. You can continue your flirting at lunchtime."

My cheeks reddened at that last line. Mr Banner smiled broadly at my reaction. _Evil bastard. _I turned to look at Edward apologetically and then quickly turned my head to the front. _Well this is gonna make the rest of the lesson REALLY awkward. _And awkward it was. The tension between us for the rest of the lesson was noticeable. I few ever did meet each other's eyes then a quick awkward smile was shared as we quickly stared back at the front.

As soon as the bell rang, I relaxed. _Saved by the bell! _I quickly gathered my things, hoping that Mr Banner wouldn't decide that I deserved a detention. Unfortunately, the fate that befell me was so much worse.

Two words. Mike Newton. If I was a cliché, then he was beyond words. He had the cheesy, shining smile, was a 'sweet boy', popular and a jock. He was the saviour of the nerds and a favourite of the teachers. If he was your boyfriend, he'd by you flowers and be the sweetest thing ever… Definitely not my type of guy.

He also possessed the qualities of golden retriever dog. Did I mention that he was MY golden retriever dog? So far, I had been invited out to dinner, La Push, Newton's Outfitters and, would you believe it, walking the dog. I was very close to giving up and just going out with him once to make him shut up.

I made up mind, today was Newton's lucky day. I knew he was going to ask me out because he was holding that bouquet of flowers. The dreaded bouquet. The whole school knew about the bouquet.

I had nicknamed the bouquet the Bouquet of Doom because for the past few months I had been Newton's new target. The warning signs were also there. He would avoid me for a while and then BAM he'd be talking to be me about everything and anything.

Today I had decided to give him a chance mainly because I was tired of the awkwardness that plagued every single one of our conversations. As much as I despised that bouquet, he was a good friend. I took a deep breath in and looked up into his eyes.

_If you think about it, he does have pretty eyes. _I stopped myself before I got too far. Thinking that Mike was attractive in any way was disturbing. I moistened my dry lips. I wondered why I was nervous.

Whilst I had been distracted with my thoughts, Mike had reached my table. I gave him an anxious smile, he smiled back. I noticed, however, that the smile didn't quite reach his eyes. I took in a deep breath and said hi.

"Hey Mike, how have you been? I haven't talked to you in a while." I said in what I hoped was a confident voice.

As I reiterated what I had said in my mind, I realised I sounded horribly formal. _Damn Bella, get a grip. _That's when I realised that Edward was still standing there. I looked around the classroom and saw that most people were still standing around.

I cocked my head to the side. It was the period before lunch, why had no one run off to the cafeteria? Then it hit me, everyone knew the warning signs. They knew Mike was going to ask someone out, and it made sense to be me.

"I'm pretty good, how have you been? I know you've said no multiple times but I was wondering whether you'd go out with me."

Mike's voice had started confident enough, but it kinda just screwed up at the end. I took in yet another deep breath. I worked up my courage, and opened my mouth to speak when a smooth, velvety voice beat me to the punch.

"Unfortunately Mr Newton, I'm afraid that's not possible. You see, Miss Swan is spending the night with me."

There was a collective gasp from around the room. I turned around to look at the man who may have just been my saviour, even though I knew who it was. How could I not? After all, I had spent about three months absolutely infatuated with the guy.

I stared at him in shock. What. The. Hell. This was Edward Cullen we were talking about, the guy who had never been out on a date in his life. That's when I realised how awkward this situation was. I just stood there awkwardly, in between this all this awkwardness wondering what the hell I was supposed to do. Grandma Swan had taught me many things, but I didn't think she ever supposed that I would land in a situation as strange as this.

"Umm… yeah, sorry about that Mike, It's just that Edward asked first… and well, yeah." I said, you guessed it, awkwardly.

**Hello guys, no this story isn't over. It's just a two-shot now. I just needed to post this… so I did. Please review :D.**


	2. Chapter 2

I am putting myself on a kinda hiatus thing. I will update, just not on my stories. Expect little depressing one-shots… I guess I was right; commitment is totally not my thing.

I am very sorry for this; I didn't think it'd happen. In life it's important to choose the battles that are important. The battles that you _know _you can see out. This _isn't_ one of those battles. My parents aren't a battle that I can ever win. I am sorry.

Can I just add (I'm writing this after finishing this little note) that this sounds like some old, weird lady from the 19th century is writing this? It sounds really off as well…

All my life I've been writing without purpose, and I've been perfectly happy, when I started writing for FF I wrote with purpose yet I still enjoyed as much as I did before. So is their much point to writing on Fan Fiction?

Plus, when exams come around there are problems. When the teachers start handing out the assignments there are problems. Not to mention the homework. Don't get me started off on the homework.

I know I'm just making excuses, but isn't better for there to be a reason rather than their just being a small note saying that I can't continue?

I promise to update a bit, I cannot stay away from my writing as it is with any artist and their art. Plus, every teenager lives to go against their parent's wishes, don't they? There will be tiny little one-shots and maybe the ending to The Awkward Life… Unfortunately I highly doubt the ending will be in any way funny. I'm sure many of you know that by now.

I'm happy for you to copy my plots (in your own words of course) just please don't copy my feelings… that is my only desire. In fact, if you wish to (for some reason) 'adopt' any of my stories then just shoot off a quick e-mail and be happy to help… you do whatever you have to do for something like that.

I am unbelievably sorry.

A Fine Frenzy.


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